I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
