I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
well you can't waste a boner
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
