so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
