Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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