If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize