what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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