i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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