We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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