I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
