So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
