??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This is my gift to your gina
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
