i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize