I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize