I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
