how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
