mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
