look no pants
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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