The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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