in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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