just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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