im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
