I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
