Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
