nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He is an equal opportunity slut.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she told me i tasted like america
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Randomize