My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
