i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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