I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Randomize
