I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
