She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Randomize
