Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
