If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Two words: nipple clamps
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