weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
And then he peed in my hair
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
