there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
