I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
