Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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