her vagine was all disorganized.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize