dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
