YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
