I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
