Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
