walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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