Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
