I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
