I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
