the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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