"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
