Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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