Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I accidentally burped into my bong.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
