im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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