When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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