Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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