The maid of honor just puked.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
