If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
