she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
