shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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