I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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