I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
