cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
