He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just pee around me
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
