Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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