Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
