umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
