wakey wakey hands off snakey
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
