Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
