Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
