I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
