I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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