U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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