bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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