I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
