I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
God, I missed his penis.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
