How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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