Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
