So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
