Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
