I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
