Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
