His hands were made for my vagina.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
