If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
