I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
