I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
handjob tips. give me some.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
