I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
