Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
